I thought we had gotten past that in many areas here at home. But apparently my girls… specifically my 14 & 15 year old girls… have not. I don’t have many rules in this house so I don’t understand why the ones that I do have seems so difficult for them to follow. One major rule in this house is … Ask first. It’s as simple as it sounds and yet… over and over again my girls do not follow it. And EVERY TIME I get some lame-o response like…”I didn’t know I had to ask first.” Now I don’t see what is so complicated about this rule. If I want a cookie… I have to ask first. If I want to use the phone I have to ask first. If I want to go out I have to ask first. Simple right?? well about 80 % of the time my kids… do first…and forget to ask at all. And when they are busted… they start in with the whining and complaining about how, “they didn’t know… fill in load of bullshit here…”
I could easily list all of my rules here….
1. Ask First. Being fair and honest with myself about 6 out of 10 times that they ask for something the answer is yes. So asking first shouldn’t be a problem. And yet they sneak on the phone… steal food…sneak out on the porch. I don’t get it.
2. Do your Chores and Homework before anything else. They only have 1 chore… that’s to clean the kitchen each night after dinner. Their keep their room neat and clean is not a classified as a chore. That should be part of their routine simply because they are the ones in there messing it up, lol. Even animals keep their dens clean, lol. And yet…2-3 nights a week they blow their chore… or do a horrible job at it. Their room is a pit about 5 days a week. and if they don’t do their chore and clean their living spaces… I don’t let them out with their friends. So I don’t get this either. So far this year we do not have homework issues…. I hope that stays the same.
3. Get to bed on time…without being nagged or badgered by me. 9:30 pm bedtime means… your head is on the pillow and the lights are out at 9:30pm… Not.. get up and get ready for bed by 9:30pm. They are late to bed…and without showers.. at least 3 nights a week. And 9:30pm is just their school night bedtime. I usually will allow them to stay up later on Friday and Saturday.
4. NO ONE is allowed in the house and they are not allowed out of the house when they are here alone. They have NOT followed that rule more then twice in the history of their lives. In the last 5 times I have tried leaving them home alone… none of those times was for more then 3 hours in duration…they have had people over 4 out of the 5 times. Therefore I hardly ever leave them home without supervision because I do not feel they can be trusted. They hate this.
5. Do not be late coming home or checking. Also bring NO ONE with you when you check in. I allow them 5 minutes leeway on their curfew. As long as they don’t abuse that.. then I don’t give them crap if they are occasionally late. Both of my girls are holding at around 50/50 with this part… not to bad. But with the “don’t bring friends home with you” part… they are failing miserably About 8 out of 10 times… they have people with them when they are checking in or return home for the day/evening. The reason I do not want this… is they have repeatedly tried to pull the whole…”But so and so is outside.” Or “I promised so and so I’d walk them home.” and so on… so the rule is come home alone!!
6. As for the rules about going out…I MUST know where they are going. I MUST have a phone number, parents names, and address. AND there MUST be an adult present. And by adult I mean someone 30+. A 18, 19 or even 21 year old doesn’t count… AND that adult cannot be so and so’s older brother or sister.. that doesn’t count either. I want to know a parent or grandparent is present. And I check on them randomly. I call parents… and I show up unannounced to keep them on their toes. I let myself slide a bit on this recently… this summer I wasn’t as vigilant as I should have been and my girl took advantage of that. They lied to me on 4 occasions that I know of. And I sure there were more.
7. NO dating before the age of 16 and they are not allowed to date anymore more then 2 years older then them. Group outings will be considered. But I don’t think 3 couples (3 girls and 3 boys…all professing to be “dating”) going to the mall as a group outing. I am not an idiot.
Their curfew and phone limit times are dependent on their behavior and the events they are asking to attend.
That pretty much covers my rules. As I said there aren’t many… what is that 7?? And of those 7… numbers 2, 3, 5, 6 & 7… should be complete no-brainers. I could see numbers 1 & 4 being problems sometimes. But my kids have trouble with all 7… daily. lol. If they do not lie to me and follow the rules their lives are happier.. and yet they consistently break the rules. And they lie to me over small silly stuff.
I’ve tried talking… grounding… removing all personal belongings besides their bed and clothes. Nothing seems to stick with them very long. I am at a loss. What can I do besides beating them or grounding them till they’re 21 to help them grow up and start showing some maturity?